I have two doctors, a wonderful GP (D1), actually rephrase that she is absolutely incredible and also a psychologist (D2). Both are trying really hard to help me find me as I have no freaking idea!
How about you fellow sufferers? What are your core beliefs?
Part of this finding me exercise is identifying my core beliefs: Beliefs about myself, relationships and life.
So here you go: Core beliefs of a person with BPD. As you can see, I probably need a bit of work!
This is the first worksheet I was given and it can be downloaded here https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/core-beliefs
Take a look at the examples. How many did you circle?
Me? I was asked to circle ONE. Just one. But I circled all of the below. Great start huh?
- I’m unlovable
- I’m not good enough
- I’m a bad person
- I’m abnormal
- I’m boring
- I’m worthless
- I’m undeserving
This is the second worksheet which can be downloaded from www.eddinscounseling.com. Again, you can see my self-view is rather negative.
This is not depression. These are core beliefs. I am black and white. As far as I am concerned, this is me. When people see this and say “Wow! You have really low self-esteem!” My answer is, “No. I just don’t have self-esteem.”
People say things like, “But you’re such a lovely person!”, “Why can’t you see yourself as other people do?”
I just don’t. It’s not there. I can’t reach it.
What I want people to do is to tell me: Why do they like me? What is lovely about me? What is worthy of respect? What aspect of me is lovable? What good do you see in me?
Anything people, just anything. Please don’t stand and stare at me in surprise – just tell me because really, truly I don’t know. “You’re just you” or “Because you are” are not helpful to me.
There are exercises that follow these sheets – but I can’t follow the exercises. I need to someone to guide me. There is an almighty black spot or a hole or something that I just can’t get past.
To me this is normal. Is this normal to you?
How hard do you find these exercises? I’d really like to know.