BPD, Love, Recovery, The Now - Healing

Crying tears of love for strangers

This morning when I checked my phone, my Facebook feed the morning sadness was immediately transformed into tears of love.

Love and empathy for people I don’t even know. People like me who are walking explosions of love.

Because that’s what people with BPD are – we are love.

Love in all its intensity, we carry it, it is the strongest and most debilitating of all emotions. A power so extreme always bursting forth from our hearts toward others. It only takes a moment, one tiny brief connection and we love and cannot stop.

I have thought of my ability to love as a curse, for love brings eternal pain. The love that we feel for others is so all-consuming; it’s no wonder we can’t recognise it when it comes back toward us. The love of other people is a trickle, an intermittent drip – while we are always a roaring waterfall of love.

But love should not be a curse; being able to love; being love, is undoubtedly a gift. For in love there is goodness and purity of heart and of soul. In love there is healing. Our challenge is being able to do for ourselves what others cannot – turning that love inwards to self so that we can feel loved. Others’ feelings are insipid by comparison, so they cannot fill us. We must fill ourselves.

We must learn to love ourselves, to heal ourselves, to soak ourselves with it and replace the dreadful emptiness of un-love inside. If we can control this emotion, hold it then we are stronger and can radiate it outward to others without constant screams and blasts and explosions; to not let this feeling turn to destruction. For the love that burns within us is so bright, it instils fear in those on the receiving end. The pain of your rejection, your un-love destroys us.

Love is a gift, not a curse.

Love is the beauty of our hearts and our souls.

We do not deserve to be condemned for it; we do not deserve to be feared for it. Find joy and acceptance in our love. Love is for giving, for healing and for sharing. Love is a strength, not a weakness.

Everyone deserves love.

Everyone needs love.

Allow us to give it, for we are a gift.

Accept our gift.

Accept us.

Accept love.

I am no longer afraid to say, “I love you” for the world needs more authenticity; the world needs more love.

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