BPD, Mental health, Personal, The Now - Healing

How deep in the darkness do you dare go …

How deep in the darkness do you dare go to lead someone you love back into the light?

How do you lead someone out of the darkness when they don’t even know they are there? When blinded and programmed, living in a strange sheltered little world, withering and twisting away, dancing to the tune of the Master Puppeteer yet unaware they are doing so. Living in a tightly controlled and emotionally abusive environment, constantly manipulated and under threat.

How do you break through to that person, that victim who deep down knows they a victim are but are so deeply embedded, so schooled in obedience and dependence that they don’t know how to come out, so deny it to the world loudly and decry those who truly care, while the world looks sadly on?

How do you help someone who has been programmed to distrust you? Programmed to reject the opinion and the love of family and friends? Someone who has been deliberately isolated from all who can see, by emotional manipulation?

When you know someone has been programmed from an early age to fall specifically into this trap, how do you warn them, when some deep dark subconscious memory draws them back into the cycle of abuse? Some warped dark childhood memory – no matter how bad – that gives strange comfort. The abuser gives them something they crave – conditional approval and love of the abuser. The victim is ruled by fear of losing it. They have already been stripped of self.

To watch one you love go through this again is painful and distressing enough, then the ultimate conflict arises.

The call for help comes, but it’s tainted. The victim calls on you to help the abuser. Conflict.

To help the one you love you are required to subjugate and humiliate yourself. The victim doesn’t know this, but you do. To prioritize the people in your life and sacrifice others willy nilly. To insert yourself back into the cycle. Once again become a victim, a puppet. And you know it and you rail against it. You know that to do that will not solve the problem. You know it risks your very health and well being. And yet …

What if someone you love more than anything asks you to do all this for someone that they in turn love more than they love you? But at the same time, you believe the one they love is so all consumed by jealously that they yearn for your humiliation and destruction and are using the one you love to obtain it?

How far can you go?

I chose subjugation; humiliation; loss; pain and chained myself to the abyss. The one I love is free, but I’m still chained, unable to fully escape the flames that flicker around my ankles. The mesmerising tongues, licking, caressing my flesh with a promise of peace … addictive flames and darkness.

I’ve dwelt here too long. It’s time to become phoenix … and rise.

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