BPD, Mental health, The Now - Healing

Viewed through the eyes of a stranger

Viewed through the eyes of a stranger, am I fat or am I thin? Am I short or am I medium? Am I ugly or am I plain?

Who knows how I’m viewed by a stranger? That view is their view alone. It may be similar to my view of myself, or it could be totally opposite.

Does it matter?  Yes and no.  If it’s a stranger I don’t want a relationship with, that I don’t have a particular interest in getting to know, then no it doesn’t matter too much.  However, if this stranger is someone I want to get to know, then how they view me does suddenly become important.  Very important. All consumingly important.

Stepping back and looking at life through the eyes of others can be a rewarding and enlightening experience. It can show you beauty in things you have not noticed before or rekindle an enjoyment of things you have come to take for granted. For instance, the dirty old buildings you walk past on your way to work each day; to a stranger new to the town these could be architectural wonders, windows to the past. This stranger, sharing their view with you opens your eyes and suddenly you see beyond the grime and the pollution to the beauty beneath. A doorway to a forgotten world, a time when life was simpler, less congested, where pride in workmanship still counted.

An open person can enjoy glimpses of life through the eyes of others and reap the rewards.  But does it matter who’s eyes you look through?

I believe it does. The view you are invited to share will be coloured by that persons bias, perceptions and life experience.

Whilst this can be a positive, it can also be a negative.

If that stranger had a dislike of old buildings and found them oppressive or threatening, could their view then colour yours in a negative manner? Quite possibly, depending on how you wanted the stranger to view you. To interact with you.  Have a relationship with you.

Is it possible you would change your perspective to please another?  For your feelings toward this person (ie when falling in love) to cause you to change your perspective on things, your view on life and those around you to align with theirs?  If so is this a temporary affliction in the early, passionate stages of love or does it become something more permanent, more deeply ingrained?

Would you allow the stranger’s eye view change your entire outlook on life and the people within it?  Alter your belief structure?

I presume that depends upon two things; a) the strength or your own convictions vs b) the strength of your need to please / gain approval from the object of your desire.  With BPD this becomes a  big problem. People pleasing, wanting to be loved and wanted and needed.

This is where it can become dangerous – if  through their eyes your life becomes topsy turvey, your friends and your family start to be viewed as foe. If your views start to coalesce here, there is a chance that someone or many, will lose.

Does you changing your view to meet their requirements give strength to them? Or to you, to you both? Or does it diminish you?  Does it cast a shadow on your soul?  Does it niggle deep inside?  Impact on the ability to be honest with yourself?  Dishonesty with oneself means you are also, though sometimes unwittingly, dishonest in your relationships with others.

At these times, you need to dig deep, to step back, take a deep breath and view the world through your own eyes, with your own heart, with your own knowledge.  Find beauty, strength, honesty and balance again.

It’s not easy , but you need to find your way, with your eyes.

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