People often mistakenly think that sufferers of BPD are weak, but we’re not. We have more strength and resilience than most.
Think about it for a moment. Close your eyes and remember how you felt at your happiest; the time you were most in love; then how you felt in your angriest moments and those moments of most profound, darkest despair.
Then remember that ‘normal’ people feel emotion somewhere between 0 to 20%. People with BPD feel emotion at a baseline of 80%.
So everything you feel, everything you have ever felt, we feel too – but at a much higher magnification. What is more, emotions for us can be sustained for hours, even days. They do not pass quickly. They roar like a force of nature through us, consuming us utterly.
Could you stand on a beach and withstand a pure force of nature as a storm of enormous magnitude rips and tears around and through you? Could you do this day in and day out?
That is what people with BPD have to do.
We have to be immensely strong and resilient to do this.
People mistake our sudden floods of tears in public places over minor comments as weakness. It is not weak to feel emotion. It is not weak to feel the pain of others; to identify with it and allow it to fill us.
People with BPD care deeply about everything. We can sometimes feel like we are carrying the weight of the worlds pain. It is not uncommon for us to have to avoid the news or be careful of what we watch on TV, or what books we read, for what saddens you can distress us greatly. We feel the pain of the characters as though it were our own.
FEELING, LOVING, CARING are not weakness.
So often, in moments like this people ‘there, there’ me. The offer kind words of support believing I am a fragile, helpless being. I am spoken of as sensitive because I am. But sensitivity has its place in a cruel world. It is not a weakness.
I am angered, when people tell me I am not a strong woman, for I know, I am stronger than most. I have to be, to be me.
Were I not a strong woman I would not be here now. I would not be able to pick myself up over and over again were I weak.
Yes, there are moments of incapacitation, but there are also moments of indescribable joy that others are just not able to feel.
To be able to live and feel at all extremes all of the time can be a curse, but it can also be a pleasure beyond the understanding of most.
To face your demons takes strength.
To share them with the world takes strength.
So please, do not tell me I am weak in those moments of feeling; do not make me less of the woman that I am. Do not tell me that you are stronger and therefore better than me.
For in me is more strength, more passion, more understanding, more purpose than the average person around us.
I am love.
I am joy.
I am sadness.
I am despair.
I am hurt.
I am anger.
I am power.
I am strength.