BPD, Depression, Mental health

Bad days

One of the most difficult things to manage with BPD are random bad days. Those days when I get up and for no apparent reason, feel absolutely crushed. The Big D or Black Dog just sits there, and all I can think about is how and when to end it.

Yeah. Those days are not good days, and I know from the moment I wake, that I am going to have to work really hard with my emotions to make it through to the end of the day.

Today is one of those days, so the first cuppa in hand I am here. There is no reason for this, I have not been triggered that I am aware. Maybe it was a dream, but I don’t remember waking from sad dreams or nightmares last night. Indeed it isn’t the effect of alcohol as I also didn’t drink. In fact, I only have one or two drinks if I have company now. It just merely ‘is’.

Others find that hard to comprehend, how we can be fine one minute and suddenly we are quite the opposite. I am sure it could be quite concerning for them, but hey it’s not a walk in the park for us either.

I have no option, I know I cannot allow it to take hold so I am going now to read my cheat sheet, to check on which emotion regulation skills and distress tolerance skills I should be using then not allow myself any excuses, and work it.

The little voice that says there is no point is not going to be heeded today. Because I know now that I can make this feeling pass.

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