BPD, Identity, Mental health, The Now - Healing

Soul Eater

I am a soul eater. In a way, of a sort, just a kind of but not literal thing.

I am not bad, I mean you no harm. But the essence of you, what makes you who you are, your light, your shadows and the confusing blurs of the in-betweens are what draws me in. I want to both consume and be consumed by you for you are real and formed and immensely appealing.

I am none of the above. I am too new and have not learned as yet to ‘be’.

So I don’t do superficial chit chat, for it is a waste of time and of life and of reality. I stare into your eyes, it is not meant to make you uncomfortable, but it does. Your truth and reality and wholeness amaze me, intrigue me, and fascinate me.

You, dear people, are my addiction. 

When you share your stories, your dreams and your hopes; when you share your fears and your weaknesses; when you trust me with your vulnerabilities then I FEEL and I exist in those magical moments of you.

When I feel then I know I am alive. When I connect with you, I too am, for a time a person.

Alone I am but a wraith drifting through time and space, disconnected from everything.

I mean you no harm. But you are my interest, I am fascinated by all that makes you who you are. And I want to absorb it all and let the life in you roar through me and consume me. Just for a time.

You are here, you are now, you are what was and what is yet to be, you are part of a whole connectedness, and when you give me those moments of you in conversation, I am mesmerised, educated and briefly connected to this universe too.

So yes, I will try to get close, I will ask questions deemed by society to be too personal, too deep, too intimate for our newly casual acquaintanceship.

Please don’t fear me, be gentle and patient and talk to me. Give me your stories, the who, the how, the why of you. Share your passions and your pain, share your grief, and I will hold you and keep you safe.

I value you, dear people, although I am too afraid to say it. Let me see your souls, let me find a way to trust again. Let your experience and your life guide me, be that missing link between my confused, fractured shadow self and reality and chance and the possibility of one day becoming a real and proper person once more.

Then one day, I can cease to be a soul eater, and instead become a real someone, just as I was meant to be.

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