BPD, Mental health, Personal, Recovery, The Now - Healing

Something Happened on the Way to the Supermarket

Well not the supermarket precisely, but you get what I mean.

After all, life is not unlike a supermarket with aisles and options and choices. Bright lights, flavours, aromas, colours and a cacophony of sound.

Up until recently, I have disliked supermarkets, and even now, I prefer smaller, more intimate independents hosted by characters warm and real. No express lane person-less check-outs for me.

To get to a supermarket from where I live involves winding roads and whirls of dust, paddocks that are currently lush and green but dry and burnt, aching and worn are more the norm. Snakes baking on the bitumen in summer and groaning eucalypts bending and twisting half-stripped limbs with parasitic mistletoe reaching down and over to pluck me from the car.

Here in the heat with the burn and the harshness of breath, the creak and groan of the earth is feeling, and from feeling comes knowing, but only when I listen.

I am listening now.

There has been a shift, a crack, a groan and a gasp.

Recent events caused a tectonic shift in the plates of my mind, and all is upending around me.

For me this is good, for others, I don’t know.

Somehow on the way to the supermarket, I have a new item at the top of my shopping list.

That item is ME.

That item is now a desire to live.

I want to beat this. I want to stay alive, and even more, than stay alive – I desire to live and not as a fractured being, but as a consolidated whole.

I am going to live and enjoy doing so.

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