BPD, Mental health

Indecision

A life of constant indecision. Everything, all the time is so hard. That’s one of the problems when you are diagnosed with a mental illness – particularly a personality disorder. Because suddenly you define yourself as a disorder. You don’t know whether it is you thinking or your illness thinking. It paralyses you. All self-trust,… Read More Indecision

BPD

Triggered

Triggered again today. By other peoples’ losses; other peoples’ pain; other people’s grief. It whirls as swirls around and within me, screaming, burning, coursing through my veins. As I feel the pain of others, my own intensifies. My perspectives change. Memories come back to haunt me. It consumes me and I cannot find the words… Read More Triggered

Anxiety, BPD, Mental health

Driving anxiety

With all trauma-based disorders there is an element of anxiety and at times driven anxiety. One of the significant areas of anxiety for me since 30 June 2003, has been a particular anxiety. Driving. My driving doesn’t cause me anxiety. I know my limits, I know the limits of any vehicle I drive. I thoroughly… Read More Driving anxiety

BPD

Strength

People often mistakenly think that sufferers of BPD are weak, but we’re not. We have more strength and resilience than most. Think about it for a moment. Close your eyes and remember how you felt at your happiest; the time you were most in love; then how you felt in your angriest moments and those… Read More Strength

BPD

Pain and confusion

Pain. There are so few moments without it. I have to work hard to both accept it, feel it and when it is too hard to bear, then I work to distract from it. I write posts but don’t publish. Positive ones on acceptance, then a single conversation threw that out of the window for… Read More Pain and confusion