That’s what I told my GP yesterday, “I can’t because I am liquid.” She was trying to get to the bottom of my belief structure. But I don’t have a real, robust and tangible belief structure. It is fluid. What I have is a lifetime of being told what things are and what things I… Read More I am liquid
I don’t get to If I were younger, then maybe. But I’m not young. I’m not even somewhere in the middle, I am worn and grey and exhausted both physically and emotionally. Giving it another go? Nah. I’m past it. I’m willing to leave second, third and fourth chances to those with an actual chance… Read More I don’t get to …
Brownies baking in the oven, hair undone, dirty, unwashed but showered. Food. Life sustaining food is in the fridge and in the pantry. It doesn’t matter whether it is healthy or not. It matters that I went to the supermarket. It matters that I showered. It matters that I made it through another night. These… Read More Push, push, push …
Betrayed. I feel so utterly and completely hurt and betrayed right now. I have no idea where to put all this hurt anymore. No idea at all. It seems that nothing I can ever do or say is right in this world. How am I supposed to get better if I don’t get a reprieve… Read More Betrayed
Trigger warning: This is not a post for people who suffer from BPD, depression or other mental health issues – this is for the rest of you; the lucky ones. This is an angry, frustrated rant from a depressed person which will likely seem harsh and controversial – and no, I am not going anywhere… Read More God won’t give me cancer
Now I’ve known for a long time that I have PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it’s only in the last year that I found out there were two types and that typically, I have the complex version. Sigh! PTSD is what most people associate with returning war veterans and others, who are more… Read More Complex PTSD
This is the “I’m fine” post. You know the one where you sit back and look at yourself and where life has got to and say, “What the hell? I am fine. I have always been fine. I have always felt this way. This isn’t stressed!” And the GP shakes her head, and the cardiologist… Read More The “I’m fine” post
All I can say is that I am trying, I am fighting, and after 185 days of not being on this space I am still here; I’m still alone; I’m still trying not to drown in this endless, dark pool of rejection, and further rejection and even more rejection. Life is shit, and I can’t… Read More 185 days of not …
Paranoia. It’s getting worse. Or is it? How do I know? For I am no longer a person, my mind is a muddled, confused space where reality is becoming increasingly clouded. I simply do not trust myself. I am thought. I am emotion. But I cannot make decisions. I struggle to comprehend so much of… Read More Paranoia or reality?
Absent from the world. Locked away. Surviving. A promise I will keep. A guarantee because I now know people care. I know it is important to others that I am here. I still do not understand why. That’s a block I can’t see past. I get up; I shower, I make myself move. I know… Read More Absent
