A life of constant indecision. Everything, all the time is so hard. That’s one of the problems when you are diagnosed with a mental illness – particularly a personality disorder. Because suddenly you define yourself as a disorder. You don’t know whether it is you thinking or your illness thinking. It paralyses you. All self-trust,… Read More Indecision
Triggered again today. By other peoples’ losses; other peoples’ pain; other people’s grief. It whirls as swirls around and within me, screaming, burning, coursing through my veins. As I feel the pain of others, my own intensifies. My perspectives change. Memories come back to haunt me. It consumes me and I cannot find the words… Read More Triggered
Scars. We all carry them. Sometimes they are physical; we wear the scars of self-harm which label us, identify us. But other scars and wounds are deeply hidden. The emotional scars that change our behaviours, attitudes and outlooks for life. Those are the scars that rule us. Those are the scars which inadvertently destroy the… Read More Scars I didn’t know I carried
BPD as a sufferer can readily be deemed a ‘curse.’ When we are not focused on the work we must do to heal; we are in a state of constant and intense emotional flux. This is exhausting and extremely painful. Not just mentally and emotionally, but physically too. But BPD has positive aspects. BPD can… Read More The positive aspects of BPD: BPD as a gift
With all trauma-based disorders there is an element of anxiety and at times driven anxiety. One of the significant areas of anxiety for me since 30 June 2003, has been a particular anxiety. Driving. My driving doesn’t cause me anxiety. I know my limits, I know the limits of any vehicle I drive. I thoroughly… Read More Driving anxiety
Hey parents, this is for you. What means more to you, image or happiness? You want the biggest house on the best street in the best suburb. You want the marque car, and it just has to shine, shine, shine. You want to be seen in the right places with the right people. That is… Read More Image versus happiness
Acceptance is a tough issue for those with BPD. It takes me a very long time to be able to accept the things that I do not want to face. Letting go for me is an almost impossible task; I grieve, I scream, I cry, I fight tooth and nail to hang onto things that… Read More Acceptance
People often mistakenly think that sufferers of BPD are weak, but we’re not. We have more strength and resilience than most. Think about it for a moment. Close your eyes and remember how you felt at your happiest; the time you were most in love; then how you felt in your angriest moments and those… Read More Strength
Pain. There are so few moments without it. I have to work hard to both accept it, feel it and when it is too hard to bear, then I work to distract from it. I write posts but don’t publish. Positive ones on acceptance, then a single conversation threw that out of the window for… Read More Pain and confusion
Stigma. We all feel it at some point, but for those with mental health issues we feel it all the time. At the moment I feel like a prisoner awaiting judgement. I’m sweating in the dock waiting for the axe to fall. Why? Long, drawn out inadvertent stigma. That’s what this blog is all about;… Read More Waiting for the axe to fall
