That’s what I told my GP yesterday, “I can’t because I am liquid.” She was trying to get to the bottom of my belief structure. But I don’t have a real, robust and tangible belief structure. It is fluid. What I have is a lifetime of being told what things are and what things I… Read More I am liquid
Scars. We all carry them. Sometimes they are physical; we wear the scars of self-harm which label us, identify us. But other scars and wounds are deeply hidden. The emotional scars that change our behaviours, attitudes and outlooks for life. Those are the scars that rule us. Those are the scars which inadvertently destroy the… Read More Scars I didn’t know I carried
Hey parents, this is for you. What means more to you, image or happiness? You want the biggest house on the best street in the best suburb. You want the marque car, and it just has to shine, shine, shine. You want to be seen in the right places with the right people. That is… Read More Image versus happiness
Oh dominant male, I may admire your strength now may you admire mine. I am not your property, I am not a thing. I am not a doll to dress as you please, nor a token, a decorative item to wear proudly on your sleeve. You do not have the right to change me, to… Read More Dear dominant male
What am I? A being noted as human. I physically exist. I feel, oh so much. But sometimes I am just a vacant hole. I look like a woman; a short, dumpy, clumsy, grey one – but I am a woman. Of sorts. A woman who doesn’t understand women, who cannot entirely identify with them.… Read More What am I?
How can you love yourself, when you are so un-lovable to others? When you don’t exist in entirety? When all you are is a gaping, bleeding hole? Love? Oh that’s easy. As is kindness, as is compassion, as are forgiveness and understanding. Those I can give in bucket loads. But to myself? I haven’t figured… Read More How can you love yourself?
Stop being so superficial Go buy yourself a doll My looks are not me They are not my mind Nor my heart They are not reflective of my personality My looks do not make you less of a man Or less admired I am not a token I am not a handbag I am not… Read More Identity distortion 3: The influence of superficial men
For me, career expectations were also a significant cause of my identity disturbance. I am a naturally shy, creative person – very much into art and nature. I love painting, drawing, sculpting and creating things and this creativity seems to be something many BPD people have. I guess you need to be sensitive to create… Read More Identity distortion 2: Parental career expectations
When they say that BPD can be caused by a combination of genetic sensitivity coupled with trauma, abuse or inconsistent parenting, I think it’s important to think about the role of parents in this. Let us remove abuse from the equation for the moment and consider parental influence as a separate issue. Parenting has a… Read More Identity distortion 1: Parental influence
I have two doctors, a wonderful GP (D1), actually rephrase that she is absolutely incredible and also a psychologist (D2). Both are trying really hard to help me find me as I have no freaking idea! How about you fellow sufferers? What are your core beliefs? Part of this finding me exercise is identifying my… Read More Core beliefs: A completely distorted sense of self